The Things You See At Music Festivals A-Z
It’s Electric Zoo eve and since it’s been a few months since the last major festival in the Tri-state, we’ve decided to give you a refresher course on all the weirdness you will encounter. Print this out and tuck it away in your back pocket. When you are shifting between tents, check off all that you see.
Adderall – Did you think 12 hours of just beats will just keep you awake?
Aching Feet – Don’t be a hero and wear flip flops. Your hooves have a lot of miles and dancing ahead of them.
Bros – My goodness. They’re everywhere.
Bandanas – This years trend with the ladies: bandanas halos perched atop their noggins. You’ll see.
Bassheads – This has double meaning. I’m pretty sure we’re referring to crack though.
Crop Top – Those high-waisted, sexy little numbers the ladies are rocking now-a-days.
CamelBaks – So dorky, but they’re the ones laughing while we’re waiting in line for water.
Costumes – Of course people dress up like they’re going to the midnight showing of Star Wars.
D though Z after the jump!
Deadmau5 Head At Festival He Isn’t Playing At – Ugh. You people are the worst. You deserve to be cut in line at the food stands.
Europeans – Yep. They’re there, chatting conspiratorially in their native languages or talking just like us, except with funny accents. Their native habitat is often the VIP area and they’re generally modeling a shirt that won’t catch on in the US for at least three of four summers.
Festies - This is the general term for festival-goers who fit into one of these lettered catagories. AKA you.
Flag-Waving South Americans – Viva Brasil!
First-timers – Rookies. Wide-eyed and extremely bushy-tailed.
Fanny Packs – Every year some people try to bring them back. Great for hiding illicit items.
Glow sticks – There are usually more glow sticks than people at these things. They make great head bands too!
Hula Hoopers – Usually a strange breed of human, but, man, can they hula!
Hot Shorts – Can’t wait!
Hoopsters – Hipsters wearing throwback basketball jerseys.
Ice – For chewing!
Joints – Always being passed around in the mid-tent section. Don’t get kicked out!
Jorts – Cutoffs, please.
Jersey-Clad Bros – See. Bros, hoopsters.
Ketamine – The sad reality of the dance music. Hugs, not drugs, friends.
Lax Bros – Similar to the bro, but longer lettuce and higher socks.
LED Glovers – Doing every day tasks with these things on would be hilarious.
Moon Boots – How do people dance in these things?
Molly – Some chick Madonna lost at Ultra.
Models – A NYC-thing, maybe, but, a welcomed one. Catch them in the Provocateur table section.
Music Snobs – You can’t take these guys outside of the Sunday School Tent, they’ll literally get a rash.
Neon – Invest big come festival-time! Shop early before American Apparel runs out of your size in everything electric yellow.
Out-Of-Towners – They never know where anything is. We’ve all been there at one time or another.
PLUR – Ugh. Shut up.
Porta Potties – There are usually whole villages of these things at music festivals. Looks like shit, smells like soap.
PizzaMoto – An Electric Zoo dining-staple.
Pinneys – If you’re wearing something with sleeves you. Are. Crazy. Or, a first-timer.
Queens – The LGTB are certaintly well represented at all domestic music festivals.
Rage – If you’re wearing a shirt that says this on it, youâ€™re probably that drunk 18-year-old who knows that ‘Swedish Mafia House’ song!
Sweatbands – Even if you’re not the type, there’s a strong chance you’ll be wearing something in your hair.
Sunday School – Where all the underground tech house, techno and minimal converge. See Music Snob.
Singlets – Again, if you’re wearing sleeves, you’re a lost cause.
Shoulder Rides – Ladies on shoulders, a festival staple. And the occasional overenthusiastic bro-pair will engage as well.
Spirit Hoods – Usually it’s a plush wolf or another creature of a related genus sitting atop one’s head, making you even hotter (temperature wise that is.)
Tank Tops – See. Singlets, Pinneys.
Tweakers – Too much ketamine.
Totems – A recent trend among festies. Long sticks with something attached to the top. Last year, a broom stick with a water jug attached to the top was a reference point for Electric Zoo festies.
Track IDers – Though festival sets revolve around familiar music, it’s good to have track IDers around for that ‘what song is this’ moment. Service can be spotty, so don’t rely upon Shazam. You’ve been warned.
Underage Drinkers – Let’s be honest, who really drinks at these things anyways?
Vuvuzelas – A staple of the 2010 World Cup, they have migrated to festivals now. Loud, annoying and hilarious.
Wookies – They get their hair cut at the same place as Bassnectar.
Whistles Blowers – Always right in your ear. Great for attention.
XTC – The ugly side of dance music.
YOLO - Because, why not?
Z’s – There’s no time for any.
*Photo courtesy of Billboard.com